Note to Self

Dear Cynthia,

Now that Greg has his own blogger account, you must check and see which one of you is logged on before commenting on someone's blog. Hint- It won't always be YOUR account anymore. Too bad you didn't consider this about an hour ago when you decided to start commenting on blogs.

Greg would be REEEEALLLLY embarrassed to know "he" (which really means YOU) just commented on a post about breastfeeding twins on a complete stranger's blog. Let's just keep that little secret from him and avoid this type of mistake in the future- otherwise the dude will get a rap he doesn't really deserve as being some sort of perv. TOTALLY freaking embarrassing!

That is all.

From,
The Side of Your Brain that Works!

******************************************************************

Make me feel better. Has anyone else done something so dumb? I couldn't even figure out how to delete "his" post. I did, however, log back in under my account to explain. I REALLY hope said Blog Lady has a sense of humor (she SEEMS to so hopefully we're okay) Gah!

Oh please let this be the ONE post he doesn't read!

Do YOU Have a List?

I just finished reading an awesome book entitled "The Next Thing On My List" by Jill Smolinski. I am a compulsive reader so when I am engrossed in a good book, I pretty much do nothing else until I have finished it (my apologies to our laundry that's still sitting unfolded). I started this book last night and finished it a little bit ago. I love books with a positive message that also cause you to 'think'.

I don't want to say too much about the book (lest I ruin it for others) but the basic premise is that two women who don't really know each other are involved in a car accident. One lives and the other does not. The main character, June (obviously the one who lives) finds a life "To Do" list that belongs to the woman who passed away. To assuage her survivor guilt, she decides to tackle the list herself and complete the remaining 18 of 20 items.

By the end of the book, you can't help but think about your own 'list'. I made that kind of list in my late teens and 20's. It included things like "Graduate from college", "Get married", "Have children", "Buy a Home". Ordinary things but still life altering goals. Each one pushing me further down my chosen road toward obtaining the life I wanted.

Those are the sorts decisions we all make by choice or default in those years. It's the time we're laying the foundation for our lives, good or bad, and so each brick is critical- each choice has the power to topple anything built on top of it- or come back to bite us when we least expect it. I'm happy with the vast majority of choices I made then. I don't have any significant regrets, though I do wish I'd had more fun, I was always so serious and driven in those days, I just HAD to get that list done!

And so I find myself here, little more than a decade later, wondering. All the BIG choices have been made- mission accomplished. I'm not planning on more kids, a bigger house or a different spouse (you can relax now, Sweet Pea, you're still a keeper). I've arrived at the destination I meticulously planned. An ordinary but reasonably happy life. Cool. Now what? It's that question that's been bugging me for the last year. Especially now that my kids are all in school full-time and I have some quiet during the day to actually think as well as more freedom to also act.

None of that goal setting prepared me for what I'd do with myself when full-speed ahead was no longer the order of the day. I've felt a little off-kilter which is no doubt where that "Mid-Mom Crisis" thing comes in. Last spring I was whining about it and one of my blog friends said that maybe this season of my life was meant for me to learn to be content and live in the moment instead of always scanning the horizon for what comes next. That Jan is a smart cookie!

A goal doesn't NEED to be big to be life altering. In the past, I tried to fill the gap by spending a lot of time trying to change the world around me through various involvements (including the Big Sisters program which was included in the book- LOVED that!) I think I've been looking to conquer external mountains when the one that needs scaling resides inside me. External mountains are easier. The progress more measurable and conducive to "checking off the list"- more likely to stay done!

Maybe I'm just in an odd mood. Maybe the having read this book last night while waiting for word on the fate of my Brother-in-law's Mother, Joy, as she ended her journey here in this life has me more introspective. Did Joy manage to finish her list in her 79 years of life? I'm pretty sure the things she most valued weren't things she achieved but bringing happiness to the people she loved.

Maybe the specific accomplishments on a list are not really the point. Perhaps the key factor is how striving for those goals changes us? If that is true, then our lists can have the most trivial stuff in the world on them if it helps us become what we're intended to become. I've been guilty of looking at outcomes more than processes. I've felt the need to sort of 'top' whatever goals I had previously to show that I've 'grown' and improved- and it's pretty hard to come up with something that can top "Make two humans at the same time".

This little epiphany gave me the opportunity exhale a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I don't need to 'prove' myself anymore with the big stuff, the life-changing goals. I'm actually okay with who I AM for possibly the first time ever. My sense of self has been so firmly rooted in what I can 'DO' that the idea of being valuable just for who I 'AM' has been hard to wrap my mind around. And yet, I think I may finally be there- it's not a measurable goal, and certainly not anything others can 'see', but shouldn't it comprise a pretty big life accomplishment?

With all of this, I've decided to make a new list with a different perspective. Instead of looking for outward accomplishments to check off my life resume', I'm going to look inside myself. I'm going to pick a few things that would have the power to change ME. Stumbling blocks that I've let mar my path because I was too busy looking elsewhere to fiddle with them. The little things that are actually the big things when you really think about it. It should be fun to figure these out!

Do you have a "To Do" or "Bucket List" of things you want to do before you die?

The Annual 'Practice Thanksgiving'

This week is an unofficial holiday in our household- it is the annual 'Practice Thanksgiving' celebration. Both the Hubs and I salivate over thoughts of this 'holiday' but for totally different reasons. He's all about the meal and I'm all about the desserts.

One of the GREATEST disappointments in our marriage that my spouse must bear is my complete and total aversion to a dead animal carcass. I can barely look at it. Seriously. I like my meat nicely packaged and baring no resemblance to whomever it USED to be. It likely stems from a childhood farm trauma. I had a 'pet' calf, Andy, who was born while we were visiting my Grandparents' farm in Oregon. I fed him from the little milk pail and he sucked on my fingers and he was MINE. Two years later, I was eating my Swiss Grandmother's family-famous Swiss Steak only to be told it was ANDY! Gah! My farm dwelling cousins laughed pretty hard over my offended city-kid sensibilities. I vowed to never have any sort of first-name-basis relationship with food again.

Greg loves turkey with an unholy devotion. He has even said if he knew that I was not going to be cooking it BEFORE the wedding, there may not have BEEN a wedding. I responded to that charge with "God gave you hands!" And that was that.

Greg uses the afore mentioned hands to fish around inside a carcass for something called 'giblets' and I don't even WANT- to know what those are. My cousin Lonnie eats them though! Or is it the 'gizzard' and are they the same thing? Oh yeah, I don't want to know. Once the bird is all cleaned out, I'll come back in the kitchen to backseat drive but I WILL NOT touch that thing!

We need a little extra practice this year as we may depart from our standard "Turkey Michigander Style" recipe from Allrecipes in favor of brining a turkey in a 5 gallon bucket- assuming I can make enough room in my fridge for a 5 gallon bucket. Big assumption. We'll make up all the side dishes too which includes the standard, unimaginative yet traditional fare. Just the way the Hubs likes it.

I love the sentiment of Thanksgiving but the food, well, lets just say I could totally skip that part if not for the ONE redeeming grace. Pie. Pie, beautiful pie, in all it's high fat glory! There are fruit pies and cream pies and pumpkin pies (though I don't care much for that one). However, the pies don't have to be the boring same-ole, same-ole. After a meal of traditional favorites, the family will usually humor me and my need to step outside the box (just a little) when it comes to dessert.

And to that end, I've been thinking up some fun twists on old favorites. Practice Thanksgiving will give me a chance to figure out which are 'winners' and which are not. I've been browsing online recipes trying to narrow down the options. I'll be doing all mini-pies again this year (I'm a total freak about mini-food) but will also do some mini-cheesecakes and mini-fruit tarts.

I'll also be auditioning any pies I haven't made before at 'Practice Thanksgiving' to determine which will make the cut for the real deal. That may seem a little much but I am doing it with good reason. It's been at least 5 years since the ill-fated "Cantaloupe Pie" disaster. I don't know WHAT I was thinking when I tried out that recipe (common sense should tell you that there is a reason it's not on the menu anywhere). It was so bad I am still teased about it to this day by my Husband and Brother-in-law, Rusty. They even SHARE my shame with other family members and friends who missed out on it's bounty lest I forget the fresh train wreck I served up to my skeptical dinner guests! Thank goodness I only made it for the family rather than people I wanted to impress! I suppose we all make some losers from time to time but, just so you know, if you see a recipe for 'Cantaloupe Pie'- RUN!

For my husband, "Practice Thanksgiving" is simply an excuse to have MORE turkey. For me, it's a chance to make sure I've got my recipes just right for the REAL Thanksgiving meal with our extended family. It's also a reminder to abandon the script I have in my mind of how it's "supposed" to go and accept the reality of how the whole thing will likely transpire. Like most women, I get these impossible scripts in my mind that can NEVER play out that way in real life.

You see, in my MIND I am seeing our REAL Thanksgiving celebration complete with cute little mini-fruit pies, mini-cheesecakes and mini-tarts all laid out artistically on a beautiful tray, ready for everyone to sample and fawn over. I will smile and nod and wear my new June Clever-meets-Victoria's Secret apron while carrying the tray of petits fours in a victory lap around the dining room table. Ahh! Sweet culinary success! And then reality rudely intrudes.

If the REALITY goes down in a similar vein as LAST YEAR, I will promptly drop that lovely tray and send all my hard work scattering while managing to further humiliate myself. The in-laws will be so entertained and I'll have a lot more to live down than just a stupid Cantaloupe Pie! I managed to turn last year's Thanksgiving meal into "White Trash Thanksgiving" at my Mom's house. No doubt the in-laws will be waiting to see if I can pull off the same show again this year. I sure hope not because it would be far MORE embarrassing to do that in front of my in-laws than it was to have a meltdown in front of my own family. I'm not generally a public Drama Queen but you sure wouldn't have known that last year.

Does anyone else do a 'practice' run? What's your favorite part of the meal?

Christmas Card Challenge

Christmas cards. Just the names says "One more Christmas obligation I could stand to do without". Except that it's really fun to GET Christmas cards and "to have a friend, you need to be a friend". It's also one of those Holiday tasks that feels incredibly good to check off your list!


I have ALWAYS struggled with getting Christmas cards out. You can read about it in one of my all time favorite posts from last year (ironically, it was posted on exactly this date last year, hmmm) - "The Ghosts of Christmas Cards Past". Read it if you want to commiserate with another Christmas Card Failure. Or you can gloat if you wish. I'm totally cool with it either way.

Suffice it to say, Greg and I have spent 14 Christmases together as of this season but I've only ever gotten Christmas cards off successfully twice. Last year I did it up right and enjoyed the shocked reactions of friends and family. Oh yeah- I CAN get it together when properly motivated.

Proper motivation is the point of this weeks "Holiday Preparedness Challenge". Imagine how nice it will feel to know that your Christmas cards are ready to go AND you won't have to fight the crowds at Costco to make it happen! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to have your Christmas cards ready by NEXT Saturday!

1. Find the photo you will be using (if you do photos) and create the cards.

If you are into homemade cards and wish to make your Christmas cards, you have this week ONLY. So often we don't get a card out at all because we want to overachieve and run out of time. There is nothing wrong with a quickie, generic Costco Christmas Card. Really. If you do digi scrapbooking, you can custom design your own card in Photoshop and then have it printed as a 5x7 'picture' at Costco- which is what I did last year. This gives you a custom look but the ease of quick reproduction.


However you decide to do it, do it this week. By next Saturday you need to have your cards ordered or in hand.


2. Prepare your Christmas Letter (again, if you do one of these).

I know these are a little controversial because we've all seen a Christmas 'brag rag'. I personally like getting letters from people and feel a little bad that I've never gotten one I could classify as a 'brag rag'. The secret to a good Christmas letter, in my opinion, is to keep short and sweet and mention both the highlights AND the low lights for the year- within the realm of reasonable, of course. Be you and be real.

Every year my parents get an unbelievable 'brag rag' from a prominent family we know outlining why they are prominent and we are merely a family. It is done in a newspaper style and is at least 12 pages- professionally printed. The entire thing is filled with all the ways their family is better/more blessed/ more successful/ more important etc. than everyone else and not one challenge or struggle is ever mentioned- though I'm pretty confident they face many of the same challenges the rest of us do. Don't be this person! LOL! Your friends and family like/love you because you are YOU, not because you are perfect. A Christmas letter is supposed to pass along a summary of the year you just experienced, not serve as a warped form of perception management.

3. Collect Addresses

Facebook makes this step REALLY easy. If you, like me, don't keep a regular address book then Facebook is your friend. I'm pretty sure it's the only reason I got our cards mailed out last year. I no longer had the excuse that it was too hard to find up-to-date addresses- I was able to e-mail people via Facebook and request their addresses.


While doing this, decide what is reasonable for you and your budget this year. Several of my friends send their Christmas cards via e-mail. I have no issue with this whatsoever but some people might. If you think you can send some/all of your cards/newsletters in this way, go for it and save yourself the ever-increasing postage. Most people would rather hear from you via e-mailed Christmas card than not at all. You might even decide to do a combination of both snail mail and e-mail. Do whatever words for your situation!

4. Get the envelopes addressed and acquire stamps-

This is just what it sounds like. Have everything mail-ready by next Saturday. You can even drop those babies in the mail box on your way home from Thanksgiving dinner! Imagine how good you'll feel knowing that 'Christmas Card Guilt' is NOT hanging over your head! Every time you get a card in the mail from someone, you won't be reminded that you are slacking. I'm all about reducing Mom guilt! Now quit blogging and get busy (that reminder was for me, not you).

******************************************************************

Did anyone make some progress toward their Thanksgiving/Christmas goals in the past week? Even if you are not doing the 'challenge' goals, you can report on whatever you did do here. You can even BRAG about your accomplishments in the comments section. These are the kinds of thankless tasks no one notices unless you DON'T do them so lets simply pat each other on the back here instead.

"THE Talk"

The twins are 9 years old which means we probably should have had "The Talk" a year ago. I considered it, I just didn't do anything about it. It's pretty sad that in this day and age you have to start so young! They haven't approached either of us with questions, yet, but it's probably best not to wait any longer for us to approach THEM. This is one thing I can't continue to procrastinate.

My spouse has turned inside out and three shades of green at the thought of having "The Talk" with our son. However, that side of the 'story' should probably come from him because it would be too weird coming from his Mom- or would it? Ironically, I'm much less of a prude but it's still a little awkward for me too. I'm just not quite sure where to start.

We've had some discussion with the kids in the past but mostly about how to avoid being abused or what to do if they are approached. Obviously, there is A LOT more ground to cover!

When I was a preteen, my Mom gave me a book called "Not About Birds" that was illustrated in a cartoon way. She had"The Talk" with us then left us with the book and invited us to ask questions- not bad for a 70's Mormon Mama. This is probably why I'm a little less intimidated about doing this than the Hubs. "The Talk" he got from his Dad was this: "Don't let what happened to your brother, happen to you". That was it. And that 'Talk' came when he was nearly grown. Clearly the Hubis family was more intimidated by this subject than mine but we're all girls in my family. I'll never forget my Dad's horrified reaction the ONE time I asked him what a certain word I had heard meant! LOL!

If you have already been through "The Talk" with one or more of your children, I'd love some suggestions on how to go about it. What worked for you and what might you do differently. I already know the values we'll be teaching WITH the talk but how much detail do you get into initially? Do you make it a casual thing or a more formal discussion? I'm not looking for any detail about what to say (GAH!) but rather HOW to say it and what the proper 'boundaries' are for that first important Talk.

I can't believe I've reached this point already. I know that even this post is AWKWARD but it's too important of a subject to risk 'getting it wrong' because it's too embarrassing to ask. Any of my friends/blog friends who are reaching this point with their own kids are now saved from having to do any kind of similar post on their own blogs about this because I've put it here. Replies will help more than just me figure out this 'Brave New World' that is parenting preteens. I think parents are more likely to be scarred for life from having to GIVE "The Talk" than kids are from having to recieve it- but I could be wrong.


My babies are growing up too fast! It seems like just yesterday I was totally overwhelmed with 3 kids age 3 and UNDER and now, I'm contemplating "The Talk"! Gah!

Just for 'Kicks'

I have a tendency to have these 'kicks' where a certain task or project captures my full attention and I have to explore it from top to bottom before letting go of it. If you've read this blog more than a few times, you've witnessed a few of them.

Sometimes I try new things that are supposed to be hard just to see if I can. There is little consequence for failure so why not try? I like the low-stress nature of the challenge- but still a challenge which I seem to need.

Having measurable, attainable goals is one of the big things I 'miss' from my old career days. I still take on big challenges outside the home through the non-profit and political work I do (I'm not a total societal slacker) but that's a whole different post that will never be posted because of this- gotta keep myself and my motivations firmly in check which means I don't blog about that stuff.

And so I create little domestic challenges for myself instead, too bad for my spouse keeping a spotless house has never been one of my 'kicks'.

My Pettiskirt phase is the most obvious crafting/ sewing 'kick' in the last year. I mostly took that project on because I loved having to research it and figure out exactly how to do it. The learning and planning that go into a new skill are a huge part of the draw for me. Of course the full-freak out my girls did over the pettiskirts certainly helped encourage it. I've now taught two pettiskirt construction classes locally and have one more next Saturday. I'm totally OVER the pettiskirt 'kick' which is unfortunate because I've got 10 pettiskirts to sew this month for my little sister's Jr. High Ballroom Dance Team. Yeah. Seriously. I hate it when the 'kick' wears off before the obligations I've made during it do! Still, it will be fun to watch the kids do their Swing number in January with the ruffle fluff flying.

All the Granddaughters from my side of the family in Pettiskirts

I also went through a Cake Ball/Bite phase last year. Both cake bites and pettiskirt word searches bring a surprising number of people to my blog (gotta love the keyword search feature in StatCounter). I'm done with the 'cake bite' kick too.

Chocolate Covered Cherry Cake Bites- Yum!

My new 'kick' is cooking/baking which goes perfectly with the present season. I've got some fun goodies planned- some which I've never made before so it should be interesting. And yes, I realize this is totally at odds with the 'I need to lose weight' thing. That's how I am. A walking contradiction. My Christmas macarons are all in the freezer, though I still have some fillings to make so I'm well on my way to getting my baking done this season.

Colorful and tasty little macarons lined up in my freezer like tin soldiers, just waiting for Holiday gift giving.

I always make the dessert for Thanksgiving and I seriously LOVE pie in any form. Expect to see some food posts coming up this week because I've graduated from 'Craft Season' to 'Cooking Season'. It's so weird to realize I'm wired this way!? I never really SAW it before I started blogging. My first attempt at mini-pies for Thanksgiving last year. This is the BEST way to do pie for a crowd, everyone gets to sample a few different flavors and it's easy to divide up leftovers to send home with family. I plan to 0ne-up these for this year's feast. I want them to not only taste great but LOOK great.

Oh- and since my first gingerbread house turned out so well last year, we're pulling out all the stops this year. I think. What I've got in mind for that is a pretty big challenge, I'm actually a little a-skeered about whether or not we could really pull it off. Stay tuned to find out because even if it becomes a disaster, it will still be entertaining. Assuming, of course, you find watching trainwrecks in action interesting and this year's house will either succeed BIG or FAIL BIG.

Last year's gingerbread house

If food doesn't interest you (GASP!), fear not, I'll be over this 'kick' at some point too and moving on to the 'next shiny object'. It's just who I am I guess. The Hubs said just the other day he wondered what my next 'kick' would be. Good news Sweet Pea, it gonna be stuff you can eat!

Does anyone else get on compulsive little 'kicks' like me or am I even weirder than I suspected?

Holiday Preparedness Challenge- Come Join Us!

Now that Halloween Season is out of the way, it's time to begin preparations for the Holiday Season- including Thanksgiving since most of us will have preparations for that holiday too. As has been discussed on my blog ad nauseum, I am a hardcore procrastinator. The idea behind this challenge is to have a little weekly accountability for what you've accomplished during the week to be ready for the holiday season.

The goal is to be completely ready for Thanksgiving a few days in advance (except things which must be cooked that day) and prepared for Christmas by the first week of December so that you can spend the rest of the month ENJOYING rather than rushing. I will post a thread every Friday (yeah, I know today is Saturday- I've already procrastinated! LOL!) with a specific challenge for the upcoming week OR just post what you accomplished- I'm not picky. The key is knowing you'll have to account for what you did.

This challenge is prompted by the events that transpired at our Family Thanksgiving Celebration LAST year. I had a meltdown. I usually do quite well under pressure (as do most procrastinators) but it simply overwhelmed me and I completely humiliated myself. I am not one given to public histrionics so it was REALLY embarrassing. That is NOT going to happen this year! I may repost the "Thanksgiving Debacle" post from last year so all may laugh at my dorkiness again. The good news is that I have reached the point where I can laugh about it but it took awhile!

So, with that little introduction, on to the challenge!

Holiday Preparedness Challenge #1- FOOD

1. Prepare your list for the Thanksgiving meal which includes a shopping list for ingredients and andanything you need for the meal or for your 'food assignment'. Gather recipes/supplies and determine how much time will be needed to prepare the food. Create a 'hit list' as to which order things must be prepared. For example, mashed potatoes CAN be made a few days in advance and simply reheated on Thanksgiving. Determine how much can be done in advance in order to reduce stress on the actual holiday then create a plan as to how you'll do it.

2. Since we're working on food for Thanksgiving, it may be a GREAT time to fit in some baking for Christmas while you're at it. As a sort of 'bonus challenge', determine how much baking you WANT to do this holiday season and prepare lists and recipes for that. Can any of your baked goods be made in advance and frozen? November would be the perfect time to get this out of the way.

Anyone want to join in? If I were more 'with it', I'd make a cute button you all could post on your blogs but since the point is simplifying, that's what I'm gonna do so no button! If you want to take part, just post in the comments. You can post your progress on the next "Holiday Preparedness Challenge" post which will magically appear on my blog next Friday.