I need some perspective, ladies. I love my family but today I'm feeling very 'put upon'. Yesterday was one of those busy days where I had to run around all day long doing the stuff we women do. That means I wasn't home much. Not a big deal- except that the worst combination of events is me being too busy to do the morning 'routine' and the kids being home later in the day when I'm not. The house looks like a bomb went off.
Logically, I know that no room is more than 10-20 minutes from clean. It's just that EVERY room needs some work. I also need to finish some plans for work and I can't work from home unless my home is clean.
When the house gets all cluttered up- it overwhelms me. I know what I need to do (and I've already started) but I'm having a really bad attitude about it this morning which is translating to frustration and anger at the kids- lucky for them they're at school or they'd be in Cleaning Boot Camp. I'm no June Cleaver.
And, while I'm ranting a bit, I'm also frustrated with dinner. I am an excellent cook but my family could care less (except my hubby- bless him). My son is a very picky eater and turns his nose up at everything without even trying it. He's quite the drama king too about it and once he gets going, little sister will often follow suit.
It's stupid to say it hurts my feelings but I honestly do try to make stuff they'll eat. Sometimes a food they'll eat one week they won't the next. I'm pretty sure I've been too accomodating- which is my fault. I'll make stuff and keep all the parts separate so that everyone can just put in what they will supposedly eat rather than just eat what's put in front of them. I often get frustrated and throw my hands in the air and just don't make dinner at all. What's the point? I need some advice on how to change this.
I want to have a clean house, healthy meals on the table AND a good attitude. I hate walking into a room where the kids are and seeing the mess they're making rather than the child. I hate spending an hour making dinner only to discover that no one will eat it. When that same drama king child asks me to play a game with him, I find myself telling him I can't because I have to clean up his mess.
Something needs to change. I haven't been my usual happy self the last few days and I don't like feeling shrewish. It's not who I am. The messes are still going to be there so all that can change is my attitude. I want my sunshine back.
I know that pretty much everyone feels this way to a greater or lesser degree- it's far from a unique problem. What do YOU do when you start feeling burdened by the constant demands of your family/life? How do you change your attitude?
Logically, I know that no room is more than 10-20 minutes from clean. It's just that EVERY room needs some work. I also need to finish some plans for work and I can't work from home unless my home is clean.
When the house gets all cluttered up- it overwhelms me. I know what I need to do (and I've already started) but I'm having a really bad attitude about it this morning which is translating to frustration and anger at the kids- lucky for them they're at school or they'd be in Cleaning Boot Camp. I'm no June Cleaver.
And, while I'm ranting a bit, I'm also frustrated with dinner. I am an excellent cook but my family could care less (except my hubby- bless him). My son is a very picky eater and turns his nose up at everything without even trying it. He's quite the drama king too about it and once he gets going, little sister will often follow suit.
It's stupid to say it hurts my feelings but I honestly do try to make stuff they'll eat. Sometimes a food they'll eat one week they won't the next. I'm pretty sure I've been too accomodating- which is my fault. I'll make stuff and keep all the parts separate so that everyone can just put in what they will supposedly eat rather than just eat what's put in front of them. I often get frustrated and throw my hands in the air and just don't make dinner at all. What's the point? I need some advice on how to change this.
I want to have a clean house, healthy meals on the table AND a good attitude. I hate walking into a room where the kids are and seeing the mess they're making rather than the child. I hate spending an hour making dinner only to discover that no one will eat it. When that same drama king child asks me to play a game with him, I find myself telling him I can't because I have to clean up his mess.
Something needs to change. I haven't been my usual happy self the last few days and I don't like feeling shrewish. It's not who I am. The messes are still going to be there so all that can change is my attitude. I want my sunshine back.
I know that pretty much everyone feels this way to a greater or lesser degree- it's far from a unique problem. What do YOU do when you start feeling burdened by the constant demands of your family/life? How do you change your attitude?
23 comments:
Hmmmmm...the last time I felt like you are feeling now...I ended up putting up signs in some areas of our home to let "the others" know what I needed help with. It isn't fair for Moms to be the only ones picking up. I also went room to room and tried to think of ways to make keeping it clean easier.
Momma said there would be days like this. Wish she would have said it wouldn't be fun either.
I did do what Scrappy did too. Once though, I just up and packed a suitcase and told everyone I was getting a motel and the house better be clean when I get back. My husband really kicked in and realized I was exhausted trying to keep it all together. It helped them understand that I needed help sometimes, I got a break, and they were glad to see me when I came back the next day. It lasted for only 2 days though. So I have no answers beyond 2 days.
I wish I lived closer and I would bring you dinner and hire a maid :)
Ah ladies, thanks. Sometimes it's just good to know you aren't alone. My husband is an awesome cleaner (thank you OCP) but I feel guilty because he shouldn't HAVE to do much of it- I'm the SAHM, it's my job.
I just got of the phone with my Mother-in-law. She's a great MIL and gives good advice- but only when asked. She suggested that I tell each kid what is for dinner that night and ask if they will be eating from the dinner menu OR having a PB&J sandwich- those are the only 2 options. She figures sooner or later my boy will grow tired of eating PB&J at the table while the rest of us have the 'good stuff'. Worth a try anyway. I love that woman.
The kitchen is now clean so I'm feeling less stressed. Funny how the state of that particular room sets the tone for everything else.
Thanks for 'being here' for me. I'd still love other suggestions though. So far I've decided we need to do even more decluttering and be more demanding on the kids.
Jan- LOL at the hotel thing. I'll keep that in mind!
I live with all boys so I hear you! Some weeks I want to go visit Jan and get a Hotel :) ♥ Hugs!
"I want to have a clean house, healthy meals on the table AND a good attitude."
Yeah, and I want a skinny body, tons of money and--well what else is there? (already got the hot husband...!)
I feel for ya' Cindy. I REALLY like Maryanne's suggeestion. That is so good! One time Lisa's mom went on strike and refused to cook until they cleaned the house. It was awesome. (she didn't think so) but she had older kids, too. I certainly don't have any advice for you since I will be asking YOU for it in a few years when life in no kids land is over. (16 weeks and counting...) But I feel for you, I really do. You are an awesome mom. Don't forget that. And there is NOTHING WRONG with cleaning boot camp!
I'm right there with you.
I get so overwhelmed sometimes--especially in the winter. I work hard to cook meals and then someone doesn't like it OR (almost as bad) I try to make a huge batch so there will be leftovers (saving me a future cooking job) and they eat it all!!
Found you on mormon mommy blogs. :)
Yep! I hear you and I'm with you all on your thoughts! I didn't get home until 9:30 last night. Afer a full days work, then eating dinner on the run, and doing my visiting teaching, I came home to a very messy home. That's why I unfortunately resorted to some heavy sighing. And I did NOT yell. Okay, maybe a little, but it felt liberating. ;0) Let me know if you find the secret!
I vent and complain. I haven't blogged yet - that's next on the list! I will post a complaining rant this week. That's my goal. Stay tuned.
Oh - good luck with this. Many people tell me that kids don't appreciate these things when they're young - then they will one day 'get it' and praise your name.
Oh, I feel like this ALL THE TIME. My oldest (7) is THE pickiest eater on the planet. We call her our rabbit, but she only like raw vegetables. I can't argue with that!
Hopefully you get feeling better!
We've all been there!
I usually yell a bit until everyone around me gets it and starts cleaning up. Then I feel better.
The picky eater is a hard thing. I sometimes make three different things for dinner and it gets old.
My hubby was driving me nuts this week! He's been home for a week, and has changed a light bulb and ordered a part for our broken ice maker. That's it! I don't mind doing everything when he's on the road, or even if he's only home for two days, but if he's home for a week and wasting it on the computer, I get really mad fast. Especially like this week when I am overscheduled. I think he finally got the message when I was slamming drawers and cupboards and yelling how I'm the only one that picks up, because he just cleaned out the garage and pulled out all the Christmas so I can start decorating next week, and is being really really nice to me.
Wow, thanks for letting me vent that here. I can't put it on my blog because he reads it.
Oh, and sometimes it helps my attitude if I can think of my job as a mom, as giving service to my family rather than being the maid and the cook.
Oh yeah, trust, I totally understand. I will tell you one thing that we used to do when my boys were all younger... I would set the timer for all of 4 min. and we all had to RUN and pick up and clean up till the timer went off. Then we met back in the family room for scripture and prayer! It is nice to go to bed with a house... you know what? It is nice to WAKE UP to a house that is all picked up!
Oh gosh! That's a hard one. Every family does it different. My kids are grown, buttttttt when I feel like the world (family, work and friends) are taking too much or I feel overwhelmed with the house, I VEG! That is what I have always done. I recoop and revitalize and always feel better afterwards. I hope you get some good advice from mommies with yound children;)
You are definitely not alone. While reading this it almost felt like my life is the teen-age kids version of yours :-) What I usually do to decompress is spend some Me-time, away from my family but not before I tell them what I expect when I get back. Doesn't have to be days although that would even be better. But a few hours away will work just fine, too. But I don't know about picky eaters. I have not solved that problem yet after all these years. Sorry :-(
Thank you so much everyone. One thing I did today was start throwing a few of the less-important things off my plate.
I agreed to sub for the Freezer Cooking Group in our ward and that is no small undertaking. They asked me at the last minute and I thought I could do it and realized today- I just can't. I feel SOOO guilty for saying yes then flaking but I've saved their bacon 2 times already at the last minute. Just couldn't do it this time. I'm gonna let go of that guilt too.
I need to expect a little less from myself for outside stuff that matters to others but not so much to me. I got the house mostly clean but the kitchen is now a mess again because I was well into the first batch of food before I decided I'm just not spending 7 of the next 20 hours cooking.
You know, I think we're living the same life. I found myself getting so stressed out about the messes this summer I felt like I was turning into a "cleaning Nazi", and you know, I don't want my DD thinking back and remembering me as this Mom who was always nagging or yelling to clean things up. And my DD is a horrible picky eater who never wants to eat my dinner either. So my solution to this was to try to just let it go - try not to let myself get hung up on the messiness and DD's pickiness. Ok, so SOMETIMES the house is a little messy and DD eats a bowl of cereal for dinner. Life goes on. I'd rather live with SOME mess SOMETIMES and have DD eat cereal for dinner than be the constant nag, or make myself unhappy stressing over it. I was starting to really not like myself. It's hard for me to chill out, but that's what *I've* tried to do, that's what has helped me cope. I don't like fighting and nagging. I try to choose my battles wisely, 'cause it's hard to change other people, you know? :-P
Its hard to be a mom, when no matter how hard you clean, you clean the next day, no matter what you cook, you have to cook again the next day.
My sons are older and still complain about my cooking, but I just say you have to try 2 bites, if you dont like it after that.. get a bowl of cereal.
We too, have used a timer, or a chore chart/
I just have to say that I feel so validated reading this. I don't have the answers, I just love the peace in knowing that I'm not the only one :)
Hey...I've been seeing you around the blogosphere, then when I clicked on your blog, I realized I know you from NSBR...and I've been to your blog before. Silly me. :)
I totally know how you feel. I find that getting up a little earlier and turning off my computer (yes, I have to do that) helps me not feel overwhelmed. I usually tend to shut down in those situations, but if I give an honest effort to just do a dish, it's easier to do the next one. It's starting that's hard.
Hey! Hi Lara. Yes, I've been an NSRB person for years but I've found blogs to be much more interesting these days than the board. Too much anti-Mormon stuff there for my taste anymore. I know it's always been that way but I just decided life is to short to put up with it. I suspect you'll see less and less of me there.
And probably more and more of me around the blogosphere! LOL!
I just read a delightful post on smelling the flowers that might give you insight to your question.
Go to:
http://www.thrumechelleslens.blogspot.com/
when you said when the house gets cluttered up i feel overwhelmed. that describes me at the moment. i cant deal with it. i love the picture you posted. you are a great blogger. i will have to catch up again later. happy blogging.
I wish I knew too. I constantly have to follow along behind the kids either picking up or "policing" them to pick up. My kids will "miss" the trash can and leave whatever it was on the floor! If I slack off for even an afternoon, I regret it! Oh it has happened many times but a messy house overwhelms me! When you get a chance search through my archives under April (or once you get to my blog - type "Cinderella" in the 'Search Blog' box at the top left and it will pull up the story I am refering to) and tell me if you can feel my pain! :) Also my middle child is the pickiest eater. I think I was too...sigh...but he once cried for nearly 30 minutes when we tried to get him to eat broccoli. If it isn't chicken nuggets or pasta he won't touch it. But more than once he has eaten cereal or toast if he didn't want to eat what I made. I guess they all survive and hopefully grow up to eat salad! I think my Mom must have jinxed me when I was younger. "I hope when you grow up you have a kid just like you!" Yep! it works! :)
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